shut up and put your money where your mouth is

listening: katy perry, waking up in vegas

So anyone who's spent any time with me or talking to me this summer knows that the subject of 'being a GROWNUP' has been heavily on my mind. The differences between living on my own as a student and living on my own as a working adult, between working fourteen hours a week and going to school and between working full time, and even just some things that have happened this summer have all tied into this new theme - actually growing up. Being a grownup, as I like to say with a heavily childish inflection. And there have been a lot of 'grownup' things that contribute to this - a cable bill in my name. Trying to run a household, as silly as that sounds. Waking myself up every morning to go to work at nine, and the subsequent attempts to adjust my addled sleeping habits accordingly. Paying a Visa bill, also in my name. Getting myself to a doctor when I'm sick. Refilling prescriptions. Trying to do things in moderation instead of my usual excess. Taking responsibility for my actions and my health.

Standing in the shower this morning, though, I realised that maybe I'm starting to grow up in a couple of different ways too; ones in which I really need to grow up, and ones that I am not renowned for attempting. The acceptance of the fact that just because I want something does not mean I can have it; and the acceptance that just because I want something to be a certain way does not mean it will be. Further to that, not acting like a baby because things aren't always exactly as I hoped or thought they would be. And? I am not the centre of the universe. Deeply shocking, I know.

This year is going to be different. Even I am growing weary of my own theatrics.

ykylm,

rae